will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
