I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
