I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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