I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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