...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
