the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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