The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we're making bets on your personal life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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