His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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