dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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