Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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