i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
