I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
