woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
