Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
