he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize