is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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