did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
