I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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