Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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