i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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