I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
