your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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