I faked an abortion last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
