Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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