This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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