We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
