You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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