Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
