I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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