My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
