Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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