he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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