Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
