i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
