I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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