you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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