I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize