hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
