Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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