were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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