Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I could fuck to npr.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
