oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
