Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
