The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
