I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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