Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
