just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
