You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
