i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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