You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize