six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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