omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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