Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
