Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
