She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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