god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
