hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
