We're facebook friends in real life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
