i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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