Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
