Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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