margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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