Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so let's talk penis.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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