we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
