***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
