you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
