his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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