Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
