Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
