i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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