fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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